56 Things You Don't Know About Lafayette Ryenolds
by wicked18writer
Summary: A list is written about Lafayette by anonymous! Sequel to the "Things You Don't Know About Eric Northman, "Pam Ravenscroft" "Sookie Stackhouse" "Sam Merlotte" and "Jason Stackhouse". This is the end of the list Fic's.


56 Things You Don't Know About Lafayette Ryenolds

**Summary:** A list is written about Lafayette by _anonymous_! Sequel to the "Things You Don't Know About Eric Northman, "Pam Ravenscroft" "Sookie Stackhouse" "Sam Merlotte" and "Jason Stackhouse"

**Rating:** T for language and suggestion

**Author:** wicked18writer

**Spoilers:** There are some references made to books but mostly this is the Lafayette from the SHOW! Cause you know, he died in the books. Sad.

**A/N: **Okay unless I'm inspired again, I think this is the end of all my lists! So REVIEW!

ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF BON TEMP

Many of you know that lists are being circulated in our community about the various things we don't know about some of our more higher profile residents. I was inspired to write this list about the most colorful character in all of Bon Temp, Lafayette Ryenolds.

I have published this list and posted it various spots all around our town, so you all could get to know Lafayette just a little bit better, because he is one pizzazz filled piece of pretty & awesome!

Sincerely,

Anonymous

_Begin each sentence on the list with '__**Lafayette':**_

1 Still has the biggest crush on Uncle Jesse, a.k.a. John Stamos from 'Full House'…

2 …In fact, he has gone to NY and seen Mr. Stamos perform live on Broadway in the production 'Bye Bye Birdie'…

3 …As a result of his subsequent stalker like behavior, he cannot go within 50 feet of Mr. Stamos due to a dutifully enforced restraining order

4 Loves leopard print thongs and banana hammocks, made of actual banana's

**5** Would have sex with Sam, despite the awkwardness that would undoubtedly follow in the aftermath…

**6** …Would also have sex with Jason Stackhouse, even though the boy is no Steven Hawking and would undoubtedly get on his nerves every time he opened his prurty mouth…

**7**. …Would also have sex with Sookie cause inside that little white glove wearing Southern belle, he knows there is a scandalous wildcat just waiting for someone to come along and corrupt her…

**8**…Would NOT have sex with Tara Thornton because she is his cousin! What's wrong with you people?

**9**…Would however be willing to be the chocolate-y center in a reverse Oreo Jason and Sookie Stackouse cookie, as both are very well endowed and very sexy, despite (again) the awkwardness that would undoubtedly follow in the aftermath

10 Feels that blue eye shadow, really makes his eyes pop

11 Knows that its very stereotypical, but he truly loves Nathan Lane's performance in 'The Birdcage'

12 Would have auditioned for Rupaul's VH1 show, 'Drag Race' but ultimately decided that doing a show that fabulous and high profile might scare away some of his 'customers', who of course never purchase anything illegal from him, but need their privacy all the same

13 Has a life-size cut out of Marilyn Monroe in her 'Gentleman Prefer Blondes' 'Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend' costume…

14 …With which he waltz's around his apartment with when he's feeling whimsical

15 Likes to _give_ as well as _receive_…all kinds of things, wink, wink, nudge, nudge

16 Finds pantyhose itchy and painful…

17 …Women's underwear on the other hand, surprisingly comfortable

18 Has never seen _real_ cock fight, because abusing animals is uncool

19 Read Wonder Woman comics as a child

20 Knows how to speak the language of love and will show you if you ask, but be warned it involves a lot of rolling of your 'r's' and other things

21 Is actually 1/16th Native American

22 Always thought Sookie would end up Mrs. Merlotte, and Sam would end up living down at the old Stackhouse place, using his trailer out back as a sort of bachelor oasis

23 Has dated someone who's name rhymes with Will Linton

24 Owns clogs, and can bust a move in those wooden shoes, boy howdy!

25 Once heavily flirted with Sheriff Dearborn until he became so uncomfortable that he let him get out of a speeding ticket…

26 …Since then only Kenya pulls him over for speeding, the rest of the time he gets away with it

27 Can play the kazoo pretty damn well

28 Always preferred 'Saved By the Bell's' A.C. Slater because that boy has buns o' steel, even back then

29 Was scarred for life after seeing Mariah Carey in 'Glitter'

30 Prefers reenacting and filming specific scenes from "The Vampire Diaries" and "Twilight", and then deviating from what is written in the text and creating a porno version of the material, rather than reading or watching either of the original source materials

31 Has adopted the song _Rock It Till You Drop It_ by Fefe Dobson as his personal theme song

32 Thinks that Johnny Depp _isn't _overrated and people should show some freaking respect for real talent…

33 …Thinks that Brittney Spears _isn't _the antichrist and people should just "Leave BRITNEY ALONE!"

34 …Thinks that we (the people) should rise up as one and smite Heidi and Spencer and the rest of the Cast of 'The Hills' while were at it

35 Has been asked if he is related to Omar Epps from 'House'…

36 …And Loki, the Trickster god from Norse mythology…

37 …And Prez Hilton, of celeb-reality non-really-fame

38 …And the King, Elvis

39 Has written several self-help books such as, "Bitches Be Crazy, So Why Not Sleep With Men?" and "Clothes Are Not Necessary, Why We Should Feel Free To Be You & Me, Naked" and "Masturbation Isn't A Sin, So Don't Feel Bad, Orgies On The Other Hand…"

40 Is actually the writer for the 'Dear Abby' advice column

41 Will not admit to being able to play the harpsichord…

42 …Unless sexually or monetarily motivated

43 Is addicted to pop rocks and soda

44 Likes to run the face-painting booth at the church fair…

45 …He turns men into drag queens…

46 …And paints mustaches and beards on the women

47 Sees a dietician twice a week to keep himself health and looking scrumptiously sexy

48 Finds Jason Stackhouse tedious and disposable…

49 …Finds Sam Merlotte oddly secretive and secretly exhibitionistic…

50 …Finds Pam Ravenscroft deceitfully menacing and deliciously fashionable…

51 In his last will and testament, left all of his worldly possessions to his pet fish 'Ted' because Ted is an awesome fish and technically his longest relationship

52 Is afraid of being struck by lightning so when it looks like a storm he puts on wetsuit and wears it out and about, complete with flippers and snorkel

53 Secretly likes to listen to country ballads when he's sad…

54 …And to eat ice cream while enjoying a luxurious bubble bath…

55 …While someone is giving him a blow job, male or female gender doesn't matter, just tongue dexterity

56 Is the sexiest man, if not the most slut-tastic man, in all of Bon Temp, and yes that's including Jason Stackhouse!

**P.S. **Gentle snowflakes, if you want to get to know the man in question a little more _intimately _just shoot him an email at hot$ or visit his website and watch him perform a special dance just for you at his website /S/hot$.

**XOXO**

**Lafayette R.**

**P. P. S. **My gentle snowflakes, in case my signing my name and pimping my website was a little too indirect for the dull crayons in the class to catch on, let me spell it out for you.

**I WROTE THE LIST ABOUT MY SELF, BITCHES! **

_A/N: Oh, Plot TWIST, Lafayette wrote it about himself! CAUSE he's all exhibitionist-y!_

**Gold stars for the kiddies who can name that reference, "gentle snowflakes'**

**Also you may have noticed that the #'s 6-9 are in bold, that's just cause I'm those were my favorite ones I've written out of all the lists. **

**Seriously, I crack me up, who cares about what you guys think….**

**MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! **

**I DO, I DO, SO PLEASE BE KIND AND REVIEW!**

**Pretty Please?**


End file.
